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101 ways 2 tell yr asian

Discussion in 'The Lounge' started by neptunes, Mar 16, 2003.

  1. neptunes New Member

    posted it on another site thought i would share it :smilegrin:

    Not to be taken seriously, but funny nonetheless!
    You go to drop off one person to the airport, but you take 50 extra people with you
    Your entire family runs the marathon when they see a dog (calmly walking on the other side of the road)
    Your cousin is said to have "gone abroad to get married", but you know hes doing time in prison
    You were taught never to talk to strangers at primary school, yet your parents force you to call a complete stranger "Auntie"
    Your uncles crack jokes that arent even funny
    "Paracetamol" is your cure to every illness
    You somehow think youre related to Prince Naseem Hamed
    Your remote control is still in its plastic packet
    You use your religion to get yourself out of almost anything e.g. P.E, class discussions, debates, etc.
    You secretly meet your boyfriend/girlfriend in the most obvious places (e.g. your front garden) and expect NOT to get caught by your parents
    "GET YOUR BACK-UP DOWN" and "KICK OFF!" is your solution to every problem
    You studied A Level Maths but still think its possible to fit 100 people into 1 car
    You wear sunglasses in hail, sleet and snow
    You accuse the shopkeeper of being racist when he kindly asks you to pay for your packet of crisps
    Your mobile phone "just happens to ring" when you see a member of the opposite sex
    You hire a convertible in mid-December
    You secretly watch "ZEE T.V." but pretend youve never heard of it
    "My mate wants to check ya!" is secretly your chat-up line
    Your car is better than your house
    You think youre part of the MAFIA, yet you study Law
    You seem to think that this list DOES NOT apply to you
    You become obsessed with a member of the opposite sex, ring their house everyday, follow them homeand get rejected (you then ask out their best mate)
    You think its a sin if you admit youve revised before an exam
    You wonder why the person you fancy doesnt come over when you and your mates scream, "Yo! Come over ere!"
    At the age of 30, you still think you can get away with paying child fare on the bus
    You have a telephone at home but nobody is (ever) allowed to use it
    You find a photo of a man with bushy hair, white shoes and sunglassesyou ask who he is and find out its your uncle
    Your wear DKNY yet your mum buys material from Longsight Market
    Youve failed your driving test 6 times, but youve been driving for the past 3 years
    In the primary school nativity plays you were always the donkey in the background (and if you were extra lucky, you were given the part of the villager)
    Youre related to your husband/wife even before youve married them
    The bus never stops for you
    Youre the last person to see your wedding card and the person youre getting married to
    Even your underwear is designer
    You dance at a complete strangers wedding (and claim you are a distant relative)
    You somehow think you were involved in Tu Pacs death
    You drive your car around the same spot for 10 years playing music that was out in 95
    You achieve A*s in every subject and your parents tell you to STUDY HARDER
    Your car is better than your house
    Universities let you in for Medicine just by looking at you
    You are offended by this list and youre going to make a complaint about it
    At home you have a butchers knife which is bigger than your head
    Wilmslow Road is like a second home to you
    There is a tub of "PRIDE GHEE" and a sack of "TILDA BASTMATI" in your hallway
    Your mum asks you what you want to be when youre 6 six years old and you say, "a Bollywood Superstar"ten years later youre still saying the same thing
    You cant go to certain places because your Uncle works there
    You think youre life is just ONE BIG INDIAN FILM
    You somehow think you are a member of the F.B.I and therefore have to have code-name for everything e.g. T.P.
    You seem to think that an ordinary car is a racing car and ordinary roads are racing tracks, thus explaining why you speed around thinking youre Damon Hill
    You were forced to watch Indian films during your childhood, and then your parents wonder why you lack in intelligence
    You are over-dressed for every occasion and seem to take it as a joke when someone calls you "Garry Glitter"
    You hardly ever take prescribed medicines because your parents have their own herbal cures at home
    Unknown "relatives" start ringing your house on the day that your exam results are coming out
    You are unable to open your front door because of the pile of shoes blocking the way
    Your Auntie has permed, dyed, damaged hair
    Your parents have a PANIC ATTACK when something dirty comes on t.v.
    A member of your family claims that they once used to live in the Taj Mahal
    You have 3 hobbies: CHILL, CHILL and CHILL
    You have to offer guests tea even before theyve stepped into your house
    You address every other Asian person on the planet as "your cousin"
    You think you have the ability to take on the entire police force
    You dress identical to your friends and your favourite colour is black
    Girls: Your brother thinks hes your dad
    Your wedding takes place in either a community centre or a crappy restaurant on Wilmslow Road
    You know how an Indian film will end even before its started (but you still watch it)
    Youre related to your doctor
    You go to a wedding with an empty car, but on the way back you end up giving the entire population of the wedding a lift home (and you havent seen half of these people in your life)
    At school, your parents were never aware of Parents Evening (and if they did attend Parents Evening and you got a bad report, you told them that the teachers were all racist)
    You arrive late at every party
    At weddings the cameraman only ever cameras you when youre eating
    Your phone line has been cut off at home, yet you own more than one mobile phone
    In primary school, your parents forced you to wear a glittery jumper with cats on it
    In high school, you teacher kept asking you if you were "forced to do things"
    In college, you either witnessed or were involved in a fight
    In University, you went to a Bhangra gig that ended with a big fight involving weird men wearing glittery pants and tacky golden earrings
    Your dad wears big, tinted-coloured sunglasses from the 60s (dont even get us started on the yellow shirts)
    The closest you can get to appearing on Ricki Lake is CAFÉ 21
    Your parents find no criticisms in an Indian film where some guy jumps off a cliff and jumps back up again, people burst into song when their relatives are dying, evil politicians rule the world, and even the police dont give a crap (and then they wonder why you prefer to watch "Eastenders")
    At parties, you wear more glitter and sparkly bits than a Christmas tree
    You get over-excited when you see another Asian person on t.v.
    You have attended every MELA ever organised
    You accuse your cousin of fancying you
    You lie to your parents about where youve been
    You know the name of every Asian person in College/University, and they know your namebut you never let on
    You know the lyrics to every Indian song ever written, but you deny it
    You come home to the sounds of Asian Sound Radio
    Your parents force you to listen to old Indian/Ghazal songs
    Your auntie always wants you to have a secret relationship with her son/daughter
    You are constantly being compared to every other Asian kid on the Planet
    You pronounce English words in a typical accent when speaking to your parents e.g. toilet: "Toylat"
    You never go to the library "to work"
    Your phone number is x-directory
    A member of the opposite sex simply says "hello" and you accuse them of stalking you
    You receive phone numbers from complete strangers (either that or youre handing your number out to complete strangers)
    You own a gold chain with your name engraved on it
    Guys: you lock your sister up and then go out chilling yourself
    You have cousins that youve never even heard of
    At Bollywood superstar concerts youre more interested in the people in the audience than the actual stars performing the show
    You wonder why people stare when you hire out a grand limousine for a wedding in a run down community centre located in the middle of nowhere
    You have received a prank phone call at least once in your life
    When celebrating a religious festival, you suddenly feel the need to scream and shout, dance on top on restaurants, cars and even your friends shoulders for that matter
  2. Trevor Active Member

    lol there funny:LOL
  3. riya New Member

    pheeeewww took ages to read but good man!! some of em r true aswell lol!!
  4. Admin Administrator

    that was long to read but lol :lol:
  5. csin01 New Member

    all i can say is its funny and some of them r true cuz iz in asian boy.
    r u asian neptunes?
  6. Area52 Active Member

    good reading material, lol
  7. vegeta Active Member

    fukin hel man most of that shit is tru!
  8. Corrupt New Member

    1 more... You never get picked for the football team, because everytime you get a corner you build a shop on it :lol:
  9. bryon New Member

    101 ways 2 tell yr indian.....lol
  10. cathyquigley New Member

    god thats not funny :rolleyes: :p
  11. snowman3310 New Member

    i didnt read them but i heard that build a corner shop one loads of times. It was funny the first time i heard it
  12. oddball New Member

    hahaha they so relate to me im asian LOL :lol:
  13. vegeta Active Member

    another old one:

    why did romans build straight roads?
    so asians couldnt build n e corner shops!
  14. neptunes New Member

    yeh i am:bigsmile:
  15. man hes from BRADFORD! course he asian! :lol:
  16. vegeta Active Member

    lol!!!!! thats tru!
  17. admon New Member

    you must be stupid if you need 101 ways to figure out there asian
  18. vegeta Active Member

    not really becos a lot of people usually think am spanish or sumfin!
  19. admon New Member

    shut up and go eat some vegetables
  20. neptunes New Member

    lol:lol:

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