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Women...

Discussion in 'The Lounge' started by BillyBoy, Mar 16, 2003.

  1. admon New Member

    why do women have small feet?

    to get closer to the sink.
  2. admon New Member

    wife stands for?

    washing,ironing,food,etc.
  3. admon New Member

    Doing the washing


    A newly married couple returned to their house after being on honeymoon.

    'Care to go upstairs and have a shag?' the husband asks.

    `Sshhh ' said the bride. `All the neighbors will know what we're about to do. These walls are paper-thin. In the future, we'll have to ask each other in code. For example, how about asking, "Have you left the washing machine door open" instead?'

    So the following night, the husband asks, `I don't suppose you left the washing machine door open did you?'

    'No, I definitely shut it,' replied the wife who rolled over and went to sleep.

    When she woke up, however, she was feeling a little randy herself and she nudged her husband and said,
    `I think I did leave the washing machine door open after all. Would you like to do some washing?'

    'No thanks,' said the husband, 'it was only a small load and I've done it by hand.'
  4. admon New Member

    What's the difference between a woman having her period and a terrorist?
    A: You can negotiate with a terrorist.
  5. snowman3310 New Member

    women???
  6. admon New Member

    A woman is shopping for a pet as a gift for her husband, but she is concerned that the prices that the Pet Shop are charging are very high. She goes to the clerk and explains her concern. "Well, I have a frog in the back that I can let you have for $50," the clerk says. "$50?" the woman replies. "That seems terribly expensive for a frog."

    "Well, this frog is worth it. It's been trained to give blow jobs."

    The woman is stunned, but because her husband loves this sort of sex, and because she is not particularly fond of it, she decides the frog might be a good investment. She buys the frog, brings it home, presents it to her husband, and explains its special value. The husband is skeptical, but promises he'll give the frog a try that night. The woman goes to sleep happily knowing she won't be
    bothered by her husband that night.

    She is suddenly awakened by a clatter coming from the kitchen. She goes downstairs and finds the frog and her husband pulling out pots and pans and poring over cookbooks.

    "What are you two doing down here?" she asks. Her husband responds, "If I can teach this frog to cook, you're out of here!"
  7. admon New Member

    How many sorority girls does it take to change a light bulb?
    She holds on to it, and the world revolves around her
  8. snowman3310 New Member

    men are just better
  9. admon New Member

    Why Beer Is Better Than Women
    You can enjoy a beer all month long.

    Beer stains wash out.

    You don't have to wine and dine a beer.

    Your beer will always wait patiently in the car while you play ball.

    If your beer is flat, you can toss it out.

    Beer is never late.

    A beer doesn't get jealous when you grab another beer.

    A hangover will go away.

    Beer labels come off without a fight.

    When you go to a bar, you know you can always pick up a beer.

    A beer never has a headache.

    A beer will never nag you.

    A beer won't get upset if you come home and have another beer.

    If you pour a beer right, you'll always get good head.

    A beer always goes down easy.

    You can share a beer with friends.

    You always know if you're the first one to pop a beer.

    A beer is always wet.

    A beer doesn't demand equality.

    You can have a beer in public.

    A beer doesn't care what time you come home.

    A frigid beer is a good beer.

    You don't have to wash a beer for it to taste good.

    If you decide to change beers, you don't have to pay alimony
  10. admon New Member

    BANK'S NEW CASH POINT MACHINES

    Pleased to inform customers that the YorkshireBank are now installing the Next Generation of new "Drive-thru" cash point machines: Customers will in future be able to withdraw cash without leaving their vehicles. To enable users to use this new facility the following procedures have been drawn up. Please read the procedure that applies to you (Male Or Female).

    Please remember and follow these instructions when you use the machine for the first time.

    MALE PROCEDURE
    1 Drive up to the cash machine.
    2 Wind down your car window.
    3 Insert card into machine and enter PIN.
    4 Enter amount of cash required and withdraw.
    5 Retrieve card, cash and receipt
    6 Wind up window
    7 Drive off

    FEMALE PROCEDURE
    1 Drive up to cash machine
    2 Reverse back the required amount to align car
    3 Re-start the stalled engine
    4 Wind down the window
    5 Find handbag, remove all contents on to passenger seat to locate card.
    6 Turn the radio down 7 Attempt to insert card into machine
    8 Open car door to allow easier access to machine due to its excessive distance from the car
    9 Insert card
    10 Re-insert card the right way up
    11 Re-enter handbag to find diary with your PIN written on the inside back page.
    12 Enter PIN.
    13 Press cancel and re-enter correct PIN.
    14 Enter amount of cash required
    15 Check make-up in rear view mirror
    16 Retrieve cash and receipt
    17 Empty handbag again to locate purse and place cash inside
    18 Place receipt in back of cheque book
    19 Re-check make-up again
    20 Drive forwards 2 meters
    21 Reverse back to cash machine
    22 Retrieve card
    23 Re-empty hand bag, locate card holder, and place card into the slot provided
    24 Restart stalled engine and pull off
    25 Drive for 2 to 3 miles
    26 Release handbrake
  11. cathyquigley New Member

    ha ha not funny
  12. Gary New Member

    :lol: aaaaaaaaaaahahahahahhahahah nice one mate :roll:
  13. jackiebrown New Member

    that is so not funny
  14. ShaneMcGaye New Member

    i think boys and girls are all equal although boys are quite nice
  15. cathyquigley New Member

    only some of them though :)
  16. roadkill New Member

    name some :p
  17. cathyquigley New Member

    ummm my da, my bro, my gay friend, and ummm my ex, thats just about it these days for me
  18. roadkill New Member

    but what about gary :p
  19. cathyquigley New Member

    what about gary? :puzzled:
  20. roadkill New Member

    well i thought he would have been one of the nice men in ur books since ur meeting him in the summer and all :puzzled:

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